One of the joys of living in a seaside town is the seagull lottery. Will your car be the one they use as a toilet, or will they aim for the blue BMW a few cars down? (For some reason, they always choose the BMW.)

This is my own Honda Jazz, a model known as a Fit in every other market – it would appear that its only the UK that objects to having a car named after uncontrolled muscle spasms. It’s grey, or, if you’re working in Honda UK’s marketing department, Urban Titanium.

It usually wins the seagull lottery at home, but at work, it’s less lucky. My parking space is under a row of lime trees which leak sap all over the cars underneath them, and once that bakes on it’s hard to shift. That, and there is a bird in the vicinity we all know as the atomic pigeon; I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.