We’re in the final stages of a truly wierd and utterly pointless general election at the moment, another one of those side-effects of the Brexit process that was made inevitable as soon as Theresa May announced she wasn’t going to be holding another election when she became prime minister.

These are all my local candidates. Amber Rudd, the home secretary, has become the Prime Ministers representative on earth since calling the election she can’t be bothered to turn up to any of the debates about it. I feel sort of sorry for her – her father died two days before the big TV debate, but she’s a slave to her ambition, so she dutifully turned up at the debate and got laughed at for asking to be judged by the Government’s record.  There’s a real chance she may be unseated, as the opposition forces have been making a coordinated campaign against her, and the latest polls show her losing. But we’ve been here before. I’ll believe it only when it actually happens.

Peter Chowney is the leader of the staunchly Labour-controlled Hastings Borough Council, and is her likely successor. He has his own questions to answer about dodgy planning decisions in the town.

I consider myself to be a natural Liberal Democrat, but I can’t bring myself to vote for Nick Perry, who has brought their share of the vote down from around 20% in 2010 to 3% in 2015. Neither can anyone else. They have become irrelevant.

UKIP are nutters. I may have made their candidate appear a little too sane.

The final lawn sign isn’t my own creation, but I’ve seen it around a lot plastered to walls and as a meme in my Facebook feed.